Sep 30, 2009

Happy 4th Year Wedding Aniversary to Us!

Happy 4th year anniversary to me and my husband on October 1, 2009!
We've been boyfriends and girlfriends for almost four years before we got married, and now it's another four years to celebrate! Hooray to both of us! For four years we've shared, I enjoyed being his wife and a mother to our 2 kids. Sometimes life is hard on me but my husband makes me feel better. He's like a pill or something that removing my stress. My husband is very hard working. He loves his kids very much that's why I'm loving him so much everyday in my life. Though I'm getting mad at him sometimes and I think that's normal, I still LOVE him all the way! Here are my wishes on our wedding anniversary: Hope God will help us surpass every trials He has giving us. Hope we could spent more time together alone. Hope he could fulfill our personal dreams and our dreams for our family. I hope that even he misses his friends, he could still remember that he has a wife waiting and worrying here at home. Hope he could finally learn how to share his thoughts though sometimes he's sharing (he's a quiet type). Hope we could go on a vacation with the kids. I love to go to any beach. And finally hope he could not forget to buy a gift for me on our anniversary =) Anything will do, I am actually dreaming for a ring but that's kinda expensive so I don't think he could buy that ehehehe =) Or he can look at Michele Watches online if he wants to, there are lots of gift items to choose from. Oh how I wish I could buy him one. He likes watches! Oh well stop day dreaming for now. Again Happy Wedding Anniversary to US!! I LOve You Daddy!

Sep 29, 2009

Typhoon Ondoy Experience

Last weekend's experience is surely one of our most unforgettable experience. An experience that we wouldn't like to experience again! This is tragic! I was stranded in Caloocan that day, I rushed my Son Ethan to San Lazaro Hospital due to Cat Bite even the rain is so heavy. I didn't know that anti rabies injection can be given within 14 days coz If I knew that, I will not go out from the house especially with a child with me in that kind of weather. But since I never expect that this typhoon will bring such disaster in our country, I still insisted to go to the hospital for I am really panicking about my son's cat bite. I am calmed when we finally had a jeep to ride on going to Monumento coz I am desperate to ride any route as long as I can reach San Lazaro Hospital. When we reached Monumento, the floods were all over the streets. No more passenger jeepneys to any route. No other choice but to ride a train even if the station were still far from the hospital. I carried Ethan going to the station, we passed through the overflowing flood all over the streets in Monumento circle. That is quite a challenge but I am afraid if I slip or something coz I am with my son. After riding a train, we just walked back to San Lazaro hospital, it was 3 blocks far from the train station. Same in Monumento it was also flooded. It's like were in a river! Even inside the hospital were all flooded! What a disaster! After Ethan's injection we walked again to ride a train but not going home coz we'll surely can't go home. There is no way. So i decided to go to my Aunt's house in 2nd Avenue Caloocan. We stayed there until Sunday even if I wanted to go home to do my opp reviews in provillus. We tried to go home last Saturday night but we failed. The jeepneys were all retreating. The roads going to Malabon were all flooded and not passable. Thank God the rain stopped already. What if it last for two or three days? What will happen next? What will happen to all the people especially to those who were stranded in the middle of floods and in their roofs? That is really tragic.

Got My New Set Of Personal Checks

Last year my husband and I opened a joint checking account for our Condo. It's been over a year now and we just used them all this month. Actually we were supposed to use it only for our condo amortization but since I found using checks so convenient. I don't have to bring cash on hand whenever I need to pay something. Before I used all of my checks, I already ordered new set and this time a personal checks where our names were printed there. I am so excited to use it, though I don't want expenses ehehehhe =) Just wanted to use it when needed. I am actually using it when I am issuing my daughter's tuition and my brother's tuition in college. It's better to use a check as long as you have funds in your account. I am fond of using checks when I started to become a Realtor. My commissions were all paid thru check. I prefer to receive a check from my boss than cash. But I'd rather accept cash from people who I can't trust than check. There are lots of people who had been victimized by scammers. They were using checks in paying goods not knowing these accounts were already closed. So beware.

Sep 24, 2009

I Love My Hubby so Much!

I love my husband! I love my husband! I love him very much! He's a very good father and husband. He may not showy, but I know he loves me coz I can see it in his own special way. What am I still asking for? I cannot change him. I loved him the way he is. It's my bad, I am expecting too much from him that's why I am hurting myself. I received a text from a friend saying a quote "Never expect, never assume, never ask and never demand. Just let it be, because if it's meant to be, it will happen the way you want it to be." How come it's not easy to do? How come my heart is still doubting? If I really love him I should give my 101% trust to him! That's why starting from today, I will do my best to keep my trust. I will just love him and love him.

Sep 23, 2009

Somehow...I'm Feeling Okay Now!

It's been three days taht I don't understand the reason why I am so lonely. I admit my husband and I just had a fight, and I am really really upset about what happened that day. I really got mad at him! But when I came to think about it, I just realized that I was wrong. I am so wrong for I am getting mad about simple things. I am not supposed to get mad about it. But I wan still wondering why I am still not feeling okay....just talked to a friend and I share what I am feeling. Thanks to her coz she finally made me cry. I really wanna cry! I really want to express and throw away this heavy load I am carrying for three days. It started when my husband lied about something that is actually not supposed to be an issue. Then my mind started to roll and think of so many malicious things. I am so bad! My husband is not bad. He is a good father, a good husband, how dare my mind thinking of so many things that already happened in the past and still have the feeling that it might happen again in the future! OH gosh! I can't bear that this time. Boyfriends and girlfriends' problem is different. We were married for almost four years now, I haven't experience any kind of insecurity then. How come I al feeling it now? How come I am so worried with so many things around me. Why am I so paranoid? Is my husband has any reason to do such terrible things? I don't think so, he's just a typical family man who wants to take a break sometime. My friend was right, his life is not only for Me and for our kids, he also has his own world. My friend was right about being so attached to him. He has his own circle of friends though his friends are my friends too. The difference is just they were boys and I am a girl. I know these facts I just can't accept them. To be able to accept these, I have to let go of him, not forever, just whenever he wants to do something for himself. I have to set him free but I have to set a limitations. All I am asking from him is to give me some respect. Whenever he's doing a decision I just wanted to know about it without asking him. Of course I wanted him to be happy, I am happy when his happy. I am just a little bit jealous because I always wanted to be with him. See how selfish I am? Oh gosh, how can I able to get ridof this kind of attitude!? I wanted to live normally. I wanted to have a good relationship with my husband. I love him and I don't want to loose him. He's my life. I know that sounds crazy but YES I love him very much! Oh God please guide me.

Sep 22, 2009

Why Am I so Sad?

I feel so empty inside. Why am I worrying so much? DO I have something to worry about? If no then why am I feeling this way. Is my husband right about me being so paranoid? Yeah my heart is telling me that there's something wrong. How come I am so lonely? My kids were here, my husband loves me, we just had a fight not actually a fight coz he didn't even bother to argue with me. It's just me who keeps on provoking a fight. Thank God were over it. The issue I made was totally all lies. I didn't get mad because he bought a billiard cue, I didn't get mad because he lie about "billiard thing and the shoe thing", I got mad because I was insecure. I think I'm starting to feel like my husband is having an affair with someone else. I don't think so. I don't wanna think about it coz thinking of it killing me so much, what more if it's true. One thing more is that I am jealous because he is having fun while me not. What I want is to have him stay at my side whenever he's done with his work. Am I too much? Yeah I'm selfish! I love him and I am missing him everyday. I don't think he's doing something wrong. I'm sure it's me who has a problem. Hope I overcome this soon! I hate this feeling!

Sep 19, 2009

Becoming Rebellious Wife

I am so mad about my husband going back to his vices. It is not bad to go out sometimes I know that. It's just that he didn't ask permission first before he go. The worst thing is that I was able to know that he was going somewhere from his friend. I think the friend was just concern and he doesn't want me to get mad at him by bringing my hubby with his gimmick. That is one totally relief for my side. What I am so mad about is that he really didn't ask permission from me yet, he lied and then he came home 4:30 in the morning without texting me. The only thing I am requesting from him is to respect me. I am his wife, I should know where he is going. I am also worrying about him especially when he's not yet home and no idea where he is. I just wanted him to give me some importance. Even if I don't want to, I am still allowing him to go. Even if I feel it was so unfair for me, I still letting him go because I wanted him to enjoy even for the fact he's already married and he's not suppose to stay so late outside our home. We have kids waiting for us. How come boys can easily do such things while girls, like for example me as a mother, how come I can't leave my kids for gimmick?! I should try it sometime. I wanna go out too like what my husband is doing. I should enjoy too right? I am no longer drinking but this time, i will drink again, and smoke again and stay with friends all night long., I don't care anymore! If he wants this way then I'll give what he wants. I'll let him do his way then I'll do mine! What's happening to me, am I getting so rebellious now? Am I mad to the world again? Gosh, I am getting so bad again! I can't stop myself not to get mad! I can't stop myself to become so rebellious! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! On the other side of my rebellious mind, I am happy with my brother James for getting married already and I can see that their relationship is getting better and better. Hope they will continue that kind of relationship. Hope they will LOVE each other forever, not just because they have three kids but because they love each other.

Sep 18, 2009

I hate myself! I'm a bad daughter!

Just hated myself so much when I am getting annoyed. I hate myself for being so hot headed. I hate myself for I know I have a tendency to do worse things when I am mad! Why I am like this?
Why I have to find someone who I can blame for all my own mistake? Why do I easily get angry? How come of all people in this world I have to blame my Mom (who's with me during weekdays) every time I see things that is not good to my sight? Is this because she's the only person that I can see inside the house? Is this because I am paying her labor? Why am I so rude to her? Why do I have to talk to her like this and that? And even I know I already hurt her, I can't even say sorry. I am so bad! I am so rude! I love my mom I know that! I am happy and thankful she's here beside me even for the fact that I am giving her allowance, she's really a big help for me. Without her, I don't know how to do all the stuff inside the house.
Just right now, I made a terrible thing again! My mom called me reporting what my daughter has done to her toy I just gave her yesterday. She said Ishi disassembled them. I didn't mind what she just said, I continued doing my stuff. I am so busy with so many things that time. In realty, in my reloading business coz my brother(he's in my store) keeps on text-ting me about the problem in reloading. That time my head is already getting hot. I am already annoyed because of so many reasons (i don't remember them already). Then my cellphone got lowbat and i have to find my charger. I can't find it everywhere, I asked again my mom if my brother brought it to the store. She said she don't know. Then I got so annoyed again! I went to the terrace, I saw my kids playing with the disassembled toy my mom just told me about awhile ago. her with some piece of wood(part of the toy), I al so mad at her. I am so mad that I can't remember why I so reacted that way! Because I don't want to hurt my kids I told them shouting to go inside the room. Since I am so mad....I didn't stop talking! I am so mad while assembling the toy! I said "sisrain ko to! sisirain ko to!", "wala akayung ka concern concern! kanina po to sinabing kinalas hanggang ngayun hawak nyo pa din!!!". I just keep on talking and talking and I dunno already why am I so mad! I am referring to my kids but I am also mad with my mom because she told me about the toy for about 20 minutes ago but she still didn't get the toy instead she has to report it pa! I am so mad because she can't handle my kids! I also said to my kids this lines "Matigas ba ang ulo nyo? hindi ba kayu marunong makinig sa lola nyo?? gusto nyo humanap ako ng mag aalaga sa inyu na katatakutan nyo?!?". My daughter keeps on crying because she can see how really mad I am that time. I don't wanna hit her that's why I keep on talking just to release my tension and the madness inside my heart. And the suddenly my mom shouted already saying "hindi ko naman sila pinapabayaan ah, inaalagaan ko naman sila ah" then I reply still shouting, 'hindi naman yun ang sinasabi ko, ang sinasabi ko hindi nyo ba sila kayang alagaan? kailangan ba sumbong nyo lang lagi? Hindi nyo ba sila kayang pasunurin?" then I go back to our room. She continue talking and complaining "bakit hindi lang naman sila ang inaasikaso ko ah! Hindi lang naman pag aalaga ang ginagawa ko ah! Gusto mo humanap ka ng ibang mag aalaga, grabe kang makapagsalita, grabe ang mga salita mo". The we both stopped talking. I felt so disappointed after that scene. I dunno but I really cried so hard. I don't remember saying any rude words to her. I'm actually talking to my kids. I don't remember any single word have said. But the truth is I really got mad to my mom. I really got annoyed because she has to call me pa with somethings kayang kaya naman nya i-handle. I hate that when that happens! I want her to control my kids, I want my kids to obey their lola but the lola keeps on calling me when I am there. Sometimes I was thinking she loves to wash clothes than to take care of my kids. I can see her concerns and love for my kids but sometimes I have that feeling. Maybe because she's already tired sometimes. I can't blame her for she has to wash our clothes, prepare out breakfast (breakfast only), clean the house (oh she's not into cleaning that's why most often I am doing that), bring Ethan to school from 11 am to 12:30pm, bring kids to bed for their nap (she can't also do this because the kids aren't listening to her so sometimes I have to do that even I have to do something else). After that I don't know what she's doing then. I know everything is hard. I know everything is tiring but she's not the only one who's busy here. I am pressured with so many things. I am thinking of so many things for my family and for them. I am also tired. I am also busy. I don't know. I am so confused. I don't know what wrong have I done. I can't remember them. All I know is that I am so bad! I am so bad! I am so bad!

Sep 15, 2009

Yuckie weight of 110lbs from 90lbs =(

I almost forgot to have my injection last month due to many things I've been doing. Good thing I still have one day to catch up, thank God! SO I visited my OB, done with my "injectible", next comeback is for paps mere, hope to come back as soon as possible this month. As standard procedure before my OB injected me, ate Neneng, the nurse always getting my BP and weight. I can't believe I am now weighing 110lbs! Yuckie! I did gain so much weight! My original weight before I got pregnant was 90lbs. I don't remember my weight during my pregnancy, all I can remember is after giving birth to Ethan, my weight then was 104 lbs. Most of the people were saying I am not fat. But I still attended GYM and Aerobic class. After then I lost 3lbs. When I started to become busy in real estate, I stopped attending those class until now. That's why I am so alarmed that I gained this much weight. I think I should go back to the gym again. My tummy is really fat already and I can notice my pants were all becoming so tight to me. I really need to lose weight! Oh gosh I don't want to become a "dabiana"!

Sep 12, 2009

How Can We Able to Earn 250,000 in 2010?!?

I'm getting crazy computing our income. Budgeting my husband's salary that is no longer enough for four of us is really making me crazy. Our extra expenses for the past few months were all coming from my realty commissions, lately (because my commissions were used in small business) we used his performance bonus which is supposed to be in the bank as our savings but is already used also. Where can I get such unexpected expenses but in our savings right? So how can we able to earn 250,000 for the next six months if unexpected expenses keeps on coming? We really need that money for our Condo's Processing fee and cash out in case (actually for sure we can't able to meet the given loanable amount) we don't meet the salary requirement of the bank. I really need more sales in realty or in my mini business. Hope we could overcome this. I know God has a way. So help us God.

Sep 11, 2009

Am I Being Selfish and Jealous?!?

"Am I being selfish and Jealous?" this is my question to my self every time hubby is going out with friends and my heart is telling me not to let him go unless I come with him. But of course I am not telling him that I don't want him to go instead I am asking him if I could come along. Sometimes he's okay with that but most often not, always depends on the occasion and with his companions. Last Thursday he asked me if he can play billiards with his friends, I said sure he can. I thought they were going out on Saturday but he texted me this afternoon that they will have it tonight after work. It's weird because I suddenly felt jealous. I did say yes but my heart is aching, is it because he didn't invite me?!?. I tried to ask him if I can come but he didn't answer me. I don't have plan actually to go coz I know it'll be awkward for me tagging along with his male friends. I just tried to ask him coz I wanna see his reaction and his reaction hurts me a bit. I don't know why I have to feel this way. Is there anything wrong with "going out with friends"? I don't know! I think I'm a bit jealous because I also missed going out! Hanging out with friends! How come I can't go out without him while he can? I prefer to go out with him than friends. I love being with him, I feel so guilty when I am doing things that I love but he's not with me. I don't wanna try new things without him trying it too. Like for example when my friends ask me to go to Wensha and experience their massage and SPA but I didn't go with them because I told them my hubby didn't experience it yet and I want to experience it with him first. When my body feels like having a massage, I didn't go because I wanted to have it with him. When my friends were asking me to watch a certain movie, I don't like to go because I want to watch that movie with him. And If I do one of those things without him, I feel like I betrayed him. I feel like I committed a sin. How come my life is revolving only around him? I love my husband and I know he loves me too. I think I am just being over reacting? selfish? Jealous? I don't know! I think the problem lies with me, why am I expecting too much in return? He didn't ask me not to do those things without him in the first place. Why am I expecting too much?! I don't have to do those right?
Hey Jes wake up! You can still have your own life! Sometimes your partner still needs privacy! And you need one too! Why don't you go out with your female friends and enjoy!

Yeah right! My life is actually stressful this past few months. I think I also need a break!
Yeah that's right! You've been working so hard! You have plenty of roles! You're a WIFE, a MOM, a BUSINESS WOMAN, a REALTOR, Franchise agent, a SISTER and a Daughter. Aren't you tired yet? You just came home from your business right? You're just stressed! That's why you feel like you're pathetic because your hubby is going out while you were at home shouting at your kids when they have done something wrong, ate dinner alone and then sit in front of the computer! Look at your tummy, it's getting bigger and bigger like you're carrying again a fetus in your womb! Is that want you want? To become a fat ass! Give yourself a LIFE, add some leisure.
Oh gosh Did I just talked to myself? But it's okay atleast I am feeling okay now. Just comforting myself. I want hubby to enjoy. I am sad when he's sad. I am happy when he's happy! I will just try not to worry too much. I can't sleep when he's not home yet, when he's not at my side yet. I am missing him so much and worrying too much. God Bless them and hope he comes home safe. =)

Sep 5, 2009

Christmas is Fast Approaching...Time to make a Lists!

Time flies so fast, I just noticed that it's already "Ber" month and my schedule for my kids is becoming more hectic than ever! Last week I was busy trying to review her for her exam which we didn't able to do because she's so stubborn like me (hahahahaha!) And then busy again for her costume for "Buwan ng Wika", after that I thought there will be no more activities yet but I was wrong. I forgot that next month is already October and I don't have kiddos costume for Halloween yet! OMG, you know I am getting crazy over costume parties! I love costume parties! And aside from that I still have to prepare for my daughter's 1st "Fieldtrip" but most importantly for their second quarter examination. This time I have to review her already! While planning for those stuff I have to prepare a list for CHRISTMAS presents! Christmas is the most important occasion for me. I love wrapping and sharing gifts though I know that's not the most important part of celebrating Christmas it's just that I love doing it! I am now thinking of gifts for Ishi's classmates. I love personalized items so I am thinking of making some of them (children of my close friends) a personalized pendants. I still have so many choices like insulated lunch tote or toddler backpack, I think this makes sense coz kids can use it next school year. I also love personalized nap mats, I think this is a good souvenir after school year ends for they will always remember my kid whenever they go out for a picnic. Oh gosh, I am now cramming for there are so many schedules to prepare and there are lot of things I need to plan. =)

Sep 3, 2009

Me, Myself and Jes' Blog is now PR2

Unexpectedly, Me, Myself and Jes blog of mine is now on it's 2nd rank! Lately this blog together with My Little Angels doesn't have a PR at all, and now surprisingly when I checked all of my blogs page rank, I didn't expect that this will have a rank like this. Why?... because I am not blogging too much in this site then how come it has a page rank of two while my little angels which I am using most of the time has no rank at all?! That's weird! But it's okay coz in this case, I am expecting more opp to come. Wish me luck!

My Birthday!

Our Wedding Anniversary