Ups and Downs

I am often depressed...YES but somehow I can't figure out why?
I guess my cousin is right, I feel empty because I am not approaching GOD....
I admit I am not going to church anymore, I sometimes tend to forgot to pray...
but I am sure God is always with me...my faith is still strong.
I know that God will not stop taking care of me...I know He's always there for me.

I am always feeling insecure...I dunno. I can't think of any reason to feel that way...
I am sure my husband is inlove with me...and I am inlove with him too!
How come I've been so selfish....how come I am so jealous with so many things.
How come I can't feel contented?! I know it's my bad.

I wanted to take this opportunity to say SORRY to my husband.
I appreciate things he's been doing just to make me feel better but sometimes I am still not contented....he often says I am hurting him. I feel sorry for myself....
I pity myself for being like this....I dunno how to call myself.
My problem is that I tend to base on what happened in the past that's why I feel like it's gonna happen again this time.
My fear in the past is still hunting me and it's really hurting me over and over again...
I hate that feeling...I hate crying over and over again...it's useless and energy wasting.
How I wish I could easily get over it! How I wish I could change my very sensitive feelings ....
I don't want this feelings....I guess I should start thinking positively....
My husband said I was thinking negatively....I guess he's right..I've been thinking too much lately and my dirty mind is giving me such dirty imaginations. Mostly I should always talk to God and asked his guidance. Oh God help me. Bro. Bo's blog is helping me actually...i should continue reading that and other inspirational thoughts.