Emotionally Not Feeling Well

Hayz.......I really don't understand myself nowadays. I am sometimes okay but sometimes feeling ... i don't know. I am trying to be happy but no I am not!!! I am happy with my kids, especially with my husband but there's something missing. I don't know really....don't bother to ask coz i really don't know the answer. I just wanna write about it!!! Thats it!!! Haaaaay!!!! I want to cry but I can't figure out the reason of these tears that really wanna come out from my eyes at this moment! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Slight Argument with the Hubby!

I had a "slight" fight thru chat with my husband a while ago. He's still in the office and I am at home. We're talking about financial matter and I must admit I over reacted so the argument started. I don't know maybe my ego got hurt when he said some lines. And I realized it just now that it's actually my fault and I have to say sorry to him when he gets home.
Lately I don't have any sales so I don't have any money to expect yet. I am so sad that I cannot help my husband in our finances. Our daughter is going to enroll for real next year in nursery. Her tuition fee is actually cheap compare to other schools. and I do have money for her tuition fee this coming school year already, but I'm afraid we cannot afford to pay her other school finances and tuition for the next years if I don't have any sales in realty. Realty business is good actually but that depends on you. I am trying my best to sell because I have lots of dreams for my family! I am really trying hard, it's just that my luck didn't come yet.
Working without fix income is so hard. You're always cramming and sometimes feeling devastated because you didn't able to earn money this month and the next month and even the following month. Expenses are everywhere and getting bigger and bigger, but you can't do anything but sigh! SIGH! What a life! I chose to stay at home because I don't want my kids to grow without me in their side for almost 13 hours a day and go home tired from work and can't able to play with them anymore because they were already sleeping! Besides, I beleived that choosing realty business has greater opportunity than to work for a company and wait for your fixed salary. I maybe have no sales this month but If i could able to sell 1M property is like a 2 months salary of a regular teacher (I used to be a teacher and earning minimum wage). My husband is a programmer, he has a great pay compared to other beginner. But his salary is not enough having two kids and paying a condo unit. We're actually lucky because we're staying with his parents. We don't pay electric bill, water bill whatsoever except for the internet. But still, his income in not enough what more if we're paying rent, electric and water bills? We're totally LUCKY!!! I don't know what I am really talking here but one thing is for sure, I am slightly disappointed to myself! I am sad and I just wanted some outlet. I beleived God will never let me down. I know that everything has it's purpose. I am not losing hope. I still beleive everything will be fine. Thanks for listening my friend!