Am I Being Selfish and Jealous?!?

"Am I being selfish and Jealous?" this is my question to my self every time hubby is going out with friends and my heart is telling me not to let him go unless I come with him. But of course I am not telling him that I don't want him to go instead I am asking him if I could come along. Sometimes he's okay with that but most often not, always depends on the occasion and with his companions. Last Thursday he asked me if he can play billiards with his friends, I said sure he can. I thought they were going out on Saturday but he texted me this afternoon that they will have it tonight after work. It's weird because I suddenly felt jealous. I did say yes but my heart is aching, is it because he didn't invite me?!?. I tried to ask him if I can come but he didn't answer me. I don't have plan actually to go coz I know it'll be awkward for me tagging along with his male friends. I just tried to ask him coz I wanna see his reaction and his reaction hurts me a bit. I don't know why I have to feel this way. Is there anything wrong with "going out with friends"? I don't know! I think I'm a bit jealous because I also missed going out! Hanging out with friends! How come I can't go out without him while he can? I prefer to go out with him than friends. I love being with him, I feel so guilty when I am doing things that I love but he's not with me. I don't wanna try new things without him trying it too. Like for example when my friends ask me to go to Wensha and experience their massage and SPA but I didn't go with them because I told them my hubby didn't experience it yet and I want to experience it with him first. When my body feels like having a massage, I didn't go because I wanted to have it with him. When my friends were asking me to watch a certain movie, I don't like to go because I want to watch that movie with him. And If I do one of those things without him, I feel like I betrayed him. I feel like I committed a sin. How come my life is revolving only around him? I love my husband and I know he loves me too. I think I am just being over reacting? selfish? Jealous? I don't know! I think the problem lies with me, why am I expecting too much in return? He didn't ask me not to do those things without him in the first place. Why am I expecting too much?! I don't have to do those right?
Hey Jes wake up! You can still have your own life! Sometimes your partner still needs privacy! And you need one too! Why don't you go out with your female friends and enjoy!
Yeah right! My life is actually stressful this past few months. I think I also need a break!
Yeah that's right! You've been working so hard! You have plenty of roles! You're a WIFE, a MOM, a BUSINESS WOMAN, a REALTOR, Franchise agent, a SISTER and a Daughter. Aren't you tired yet? You just came home from your business right? You're just stressed! That's why you feel like you're pathetic because your hubby is going out while you were at home shouting at your kids when they have done something wrong, ate dinner alone and then sit in front of the computer! Look at your tummy, it's getting bigger and bigger like you're carrying again a fetus in your womb! Is that want you want? To become a fat ass! Give yourself a LIFE, add some leisure.
Oh gosh Did I just talked to myself? But it's okay atleast I am feeling okay now. Just comforting myself. I want hubby to enjoy. I am sad when he's sad. I am happy when he's happy! I will just try not to worry too much. I can't sleep when he's not home yet, when he's not at my side yet. I am missing him so much and worrying too much. God Bless them and hope he comes home safe. =)

Christmas is Fast Approaching...Time to make a Lists!

Time flies so fast, I just noticed that it's already "Ber" month and my schedule for my kids is becoming more hectic than ever! Last week I was busy trying to review her for her exam which we didn't able to do because she's so stubborn like me (hahahahaha!) And then busy again for her costume for "Buwan ng Wika", after that I thought there will be no more activities yet but I was wrong. I forgot that next month is already October and I don't have kiddos costume for Halloween yet! OMG, you know I am getting crazy over costume parties! I love costume parties! And aside from that I still have to prepare for my daughter's 1st "Fieldtrip" but most importantly for their second quarter examination. This time I have to review her already! While planning for those stuff I have to prepare a list for CHRISTMAS presents! Christmas is the most important occasion for me. I love wrapping and sharing gifts though I know that's not the most important part of celebrating Christmas it's just that I love doing it! I am now thinking of gifts for Ishi's classmates. I love personalized items so I am thinking of making some of them (children of my close friends) a personalized pendants. I still have so many choices like insulated lunch tote or toddler backpack, I think this makes sense coz kids can use it next school year. I also love personalized nap mats, I think this is a good souvenir after school year ends for they will always remember my kid whenever they go out for a picnic. Oh gosh, I am now cramming for there are so many schedules to prepare and there are lot of things I need to plan. =)

Me, Myself and Jes' Blog is now PR2

Unexpectedly, Me, Myself and Jes blog of mine is now on it's 2nd rank! Lately this blog together with My Little Angels doesn't have a PR at all, and now surprisingly when I checked all of my blogs page rank, I didn't expect that this will have a rank like this. Why?... because I am not blogging too much in this site then how come it has a page rank of two while my little angels which I am using most of the time has no rank at all?! That's weird! But it's okay coz in this case, I am expecting more opp to come. Wish me luck!